It’s funny how even when he’s not deployed, I stop whatever I am doing to check my email, read a text, or answer my phone. I even still get butterflies in my stomach…just like I did when we were new.
His message was just a regular “catching up” midway through the day email. He was telling me that he ran into a friend who is here for his annual training… then I read this…
“…..He's going to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro next month! That's kind of awesome. He Asked if I wanted to go... can I can I can I??? Hahaha. He's going by himself cause he can't find anyone who will go ...probably that's a good indication that it's a bad idea. I think it's awesome though.. it's also 4 grand ... blah. Ok love you.”
Right there, in the midst of all of the insanity, I had the clearest image of my husband proudly standing at the summit of Mt Kilimanjaro… head held high as he posed for a photo next to the American flag and the Army flag. I had to make this happen.
I know him. There is no way he would run up credit card debt for our family of nine to live under just so he could go on the trip of a lifetime. Unfortunately, we aren’t in a position at this point in our lives to just take the money out of savings and make the reservations. But this IS a once in a lifetime chance. I have to at least try.
The fact that he even mentioned it tells me how much he wants to go. He never asks for anything. Ever. He just takes care of us all, and is completely content as long as I tickle his back as he falls asleep every now and then. His whole life, has been about taking care of, and making life better for those he loves.
When he was a sophomore in college, he received the news that his on-again, off-again girlfriend was pregnant. He married her immediately. I asked him once why he married her, and he said “Because that’s what I was supposed to do.” That sounds simple…but that’s Doug. If it’s the right thing to do, then he does it. And he doesn’t just sort of do it. He really commits to it, and he excels.
He had big plans for his life at that point. He was attending the University of Georgia (Go Dawgs!!) and planned to graduate and then head off to dental school at the Medical College of Georgia. Upon completion, he would move back to his small hometown and take over his dad’s dental practice just as he was ready to retire. It was a perfect plan. But now he was a husband … and more important to him… a father.
He joined UGA’s ROTC program and never looked back. He had to make a life for his family, and he had to make it quick. He chose the Infantry, because that’s just how he is. He and his wife graduated from UGA within months of one another and he accepted his commission into the United States Army. He was given the opportunity to attend the Infantry Officers Basic Course (IOBC) Airborne School and Ranger School. He proudly graduated all three.
In 2003 he was ready to start his career. His first duty station was Ft Lewis, Washington where he was given command of 3rd Platoon, Aco, 2-3 Infantry. Within just a couple of months of arriving at Ft Lewis with his little family, he was told to prepare to deploy. The war in Iraq was just winding up, and someone had to go battle test the Army’s newest toy. The Stryker.
He learned a lot that deployment. Most importantly, he would tell you, was how important NCOs are. He learned real quick that a wet-behind-the-ears Lieutenant didn’t know nearly as much as a Sergeant, and he earned the trust and admiration of his men because he was never too proud to let them know that he needed them. He also learned that getting promoted while deployed could result in the hazing of a lifetime. All in good fun, of course.
He deployed twice out of Ft Lewis; the first time for twelve months, and the second for fifteen. His commitment to his family, his country, and his men never faltered. Unfortunately, not all women are made to be Army wives and upon returning from his first deployment he learned that his wife had moved on. She had also decided to take his children and move back to Georgia. He took it very, very hard. Even though this wasn’t the life he had planned, it was the life he had been given and he was committed to making it a good one for his wife and his two little girls. The loss of the women in his life left very deep scars.
I found him shortly after my nearly nine year marriage ended, and he helped me cope with the realities of my new life as the single mother of four young daughters. I think we helped each other. Somewhere along the way, we fell in love and our conversations turned towards the realities of making a long term relationship work. We had six girls between us, all under the age of eight. His girls lived in Georgia and I lived in Oregon.
He asked me to marry him in May of 2008, and I began making plans to move my little family down to Georgia so that we could all be together. Life has been pretty hard at times. Right after our marriage, we were served with papers and made aware of his ex wife’s intention to modify the custody arrangement and take his two daughters permanently away from him. No amount of training or combat could have prepared him for the challenges that we faced at that early stage in our marriage.
We tried to make the best of things as the battle for our family raged on. Our daughters grew as close as “real” sisters, and we prepared to welcome our son into our little (big) family. We found our faith in those difficult times. We learned to see the importance family in a way few ever do. The case dragged on for two whole years, and took a heavy toll on him. At times I would watch him, watching his daughters play, and it broke my heart to see his pain as he tried to imagine his life without them. Every moment of every day, life without them was at the forefront of all of our minds.
And then one day… it was over. The judge had ruled in favor of our family. In fact, he amended the Order and gave my husband full custody of his daughters as well as the Court’s blessing to start a new life for all of us in North Carolina. It was indescribable. Peace. Our family finally had peace.
I wonder sometimes, if we would be as strong and as close as we are if we hadn’t had to endure such difficulty. I think that probably we would have still gotten here, but I can’t say that I would choose to have it any different than it was. Our family was tested in ways that could have easily broken us. But Doug wouldn’t let that happen. You see, he doesn’t fail. Even when everything seems to be falling apart, he never lets go of his simple promise that he’s kept to himself since he was a wide-eyed college kid facing parenthood unexpectedly.
He takes care of his family.
Life is good now. We are settled in North Carolina; he works at Ft Bragg and has left the line for the office. Ah, the plight of officers everywhere. Eventually… you’re going to end up behind a desk. He takes us camping and sometimes rushes home from work so he can take us out to the lake for a couple of hours before it gets dark. He is active in our church youth group, and keeps a close eye on the boys… who have begun keeping a close eye on our eldest daughters.
He’s up before five most mornings, but he never forgets to kneel beside me and say our prayers before he leaves for work. He’s never too tired to stay up late and help our older girls with math homework or science projects. Sometimes, when all the kids are tucked in bed and we have a moment alone, he gets out his guitar and sings to me. And we talk about all the amazing things we are going to get to do, and see, and experience as we watch our family grow and evolve.
Someday, our house will be empty and quiet and we’ll find new things to occupy our time. I’ll paint and he’ll write songs and our grandchildren will think we are so boring. But maybe they’ll be able to look at pictures, of Paw Paw in Iraq, and in Ranger School, and at the Summit of Mt Kilimanjaro, and think that he must have been pretty cool…before he was old.
